latest wedding inspiration

this wedding looks romantic and so sincere. the decor is a bit mismatched, vintage, and just the right amount of feminine pretty. i love it. all of these outdoor weddings are making me so excited for ours - now i just need to pray for no rain!

via SMP

discovered genius

this story has been circulating around my office, and i just love it. i wonder what vivian was like while she was alive.

taking a moment

hello dears, i'm so sorry i've been quite m.i.a. and inconsistent lately. the past week or so has, quite frankly, been full of wedding planning and decision-making, and my energy has been exhausted by it. i am beyond excited to marry m, and i feel incredibly blessed by the generosity of our families in the wedding planning process. there are so many fun, good things to look forward to (not least of all, actually being married !!!).

sometimes, though, i must admit that wedding planning can rear its ugly head and cause me to become a stressed, unfocused crazy person. if you've witnessed this, i do apologize. i think a lot of the anxiety that i allow to creep in comes from my tendency to lean on perfectionism as my defining state. and, big news - i'm just not perfect. my wedding will not be perfect. and my wedding planning will not be perfect.

i won't be able to make my perfected, shiny original vision for the wedding come to life in every single way (for instance, i originally envisioned everyone sitting at one long barn table together... but hello! we are expecting 250 people. one table? not happening.)

also, m and i disagree. this has been perhaps one of the most surprising things about planning a wedding for me (i'm not sure why, as m and i tend to have different tastes and make decisions in different ways). it's not always easy.

so this week, full of decision making and to-do's, has been messy. and yet, it has been wonderful.

it's been wonderful because i finally allowed my perfectionism to die. and i received the best gifts - grace and love. my parents graciously told me i would never be perfect but i was still beautiful and very capable of making good decisions. m affirmed that it was ok we disagree, that it did not mean we were less excited to marry each other, and that the wedding is about so much more than our decor and desserts. it's about celebrating God's provision in our lives and for bringing glory to His goodness by committing our lives to each other.

i've been thinking about that a lot this week - how profound it is that when i'm wrinkly, gray, and weathered by life's difficulties, i will still be committed to the promise i made when i was 23. i will still be committed to m, in his mess and in mine. at the end of the day, no matter what happens at my job or how miserable my day is, i'll be coming home to m, my best friend. the wedding will be amazing. i'm so excited. but marriage will be life-changing. my life for his. laying down my desires (even my perfectionism), in order to love m. i've hardly a clue what that means in real life besides what i've experienced through Christ's love for me, but i am anticipating a life of adventure and fierce, fierce love.

ps - i love the above picture, taken at our surprise engagement party. such joy.

52 in 52

yesterday, m and i were talking of new year's resolutions and how we hadn't made any. then he said something like 'i want to make 2011 the year where i say yes to more things. let's not allow ideas to stay ideas. let's do them.' i love that.

so, i'd like to read more. as you know, i love books. and i love the idea of reading more (a lot more). so i'm joining the leagues of 52 in 52 and attempting to read 52 books in 2011. i'm also resolving to read more nonfiction because i tend to always gravitate towards the literature section of any bookstore and, i've heard, nonfiction does good things for the brain.

anyone care to join me?

here's a start to my list. many are taken from the new york times best books or from pulitzer prize winners or national book award winners. some are recommendations or standard classics. some are about marriage (it's the year of the wedding after all). and some come from this website where other people write about their 52 in 52.

1. Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann
2. Desiring God by John Piper
3. The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery
4. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (again)
5. Cleopatra: A Life by Stacy Schiff
6. Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
7. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz (started this twice... need to finish)
8. The Artist, The Philosopher, and The Warrior: The Intersecting Lives of da Vinci, Machiavelli, and Borgia and the World They Shaped by Paul Strathern
9. When Helping Hurts: Alleviating Poverty Without Hurting the Poor... and Yourself by Brian Fikkert and Steve Corbett
10. Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout
11. The Diaries of Sofia Tolstoy by Cathy Porter
12. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro (from Natalie's list!)
13. River Town: Two Years on the Yangtze by Peter Hessler
15. Tinkers by Paul Harding
16. The Interior Castle by Teresa of Avila
17. Becoming a Writer by Dorothea Brande
18. A Maze of Grace by Trish Ryan
19. The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason
20. I Married You by Walter Trobisch
21. The Blind Contessa's New Machine by Carey Wallace
22. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
23. A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken
24. A Christmas Carol & Other Christmas Writings by Charles Dickens

do you have recommendations? i'd love to hear them!

a chicago christmas

here are a few photos from my chicago family christmas. my mom always makes our home so cheery and bright with lots and lots of decorations (some of which have been handed down to her from her own grandmother) and a lot of which have been handmade by me or by one of my sisters. somehow she keeps the house looking festive and familial without allowing it to become overrun with knick knacks or clutter. ever since i was young, my family has decorated our house for christmas the saturday after thanksgiving. we go out and get the christmas tree (it's always a contest to see who picks the best one) and while my dad strings the lights, all of us girls start unwrapping ornaments, garland, the advent wreath, and snow globes.

the chalkboard is courtesy of my dad who, little known fact, is a great artist. i love that every so often he'll decorate the board with some message or drawing for us when we return home for a weekend or holiday.

finally, i just love our christmas tree. while i always enjoy seeing those trees decked out in proper golden garland and strung with gleaming red bulbs, there is something i adore about our little handmade tree. the ornaments all have stories behind them, whether gifted, made, or passed down. i love that kind of heritage.

too early?

maybe it's just the dreariness of this day, but i'm finding myself already dreaming of spring. so when i stumbled upon (ok, maybe i "stumble" here too often) emersonmade and saw that her new spring collection previews were up, i was thrilled.

ps - that coat is my fave.

i'm back!

whew! can you believe the holidays are over? i hope yours were restful and cheery. i had the best time at home, having a slow week full of family, some wedding planning, and my first bridal shower! now that i'm back, it seems i've hit the ground running and all that r&r has fallen by the wayside.

does this happen to you? it's like all week i got plenty of sleep, worked out every day, ate delicious meals, read a lot, lounged, wondering just how in the world i would fill up all the hours in the day. and then bam! vacation is over, and i'm wondering just how in the world i'll have time to work, eat, plan a wedding, work out so i fit into my wedding dress, and maybe sleep. and why, oh why did i not get more done during vacation? but that is what vacation is for, i guess. a reprieve from the constant roar of accomplishment.

so here are the very few non-accomplishments i checked off my list while i was gone:

1. painted my nails the most glittery gold (see above photo). it chipped off after 4 days, leaving my fingers in a sorry state of post-christmas hoopla. but i still enjoyed looking at them, like the sweetly sad feeling you get when you see all the wrapping paper balled up in the trash around noon on christmas.

2. listened to a new friend talk about the life he left in mexico, his love of painting, and how he once won a singing contest in front of 300 strangers. this might have been the most meaningful conversation i had all christmas season, and it happened when i volunteered with my church at an event for the homeless.

3. watched old home videos. oh my goodness. i haven't laughed that hard in a long time. my parents were strenuously committed to documenting all of their young daughters' lives on camera, and the result is pure entertainment. as the oldest, i exhausted myself in front of the camera, coming up with anything, anything to bring the attention back to myself (as my sisters would say, oh how things have changed). hilarious.

4. made these no-bake cookies (my grandma was famous for them around our house).

5. saw this movie. i highly recommend it. colin firth is amazing, and this story warms my heart.

6. read a lot of this book. a must read. it's changing the way i think. more thoughts on it to come.

would love to hear how your holidays were!